Doom of the Bok Globule Commentary

Gnome

Posts: 519

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I am starting a sequel to "Curse of Wedding Veil Nine" called "Doom of the Bok Globule". I am just about to post the first instalment, once I cross all the p's and dot all the q's. I always mind my t's and i's!

You can make comments about the story here and so will I. I am making this thread first so I can have a link to put at the end of the first instalment. I will come back and place a link to it here once I post it... either edit it or make a comment with it.

TTFN


Here it is!
Doom of the Bok Globule

  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    Howdy!

    I just finished posting Instalment 2 of Doom of the Bok Globule! I hope you enjoy it!

    I actually enjoy writing them. My signature is still pointing at Curse of Wedding Veil Nine.

    TTFN

  • Zynk

    Posts: 1095

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    You will need to replace the Avenger with the one of the 300 series, Cutlass or Freelancer as the Avenger is a 2 seat ship with the cockpit have no access to the cargo bay.

    Avenger has no sleeping area.

    2z0uf0fg9k3ro8h4g.jpg
  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    Hi @Zynk,

    Thank you for the heads up. I appreciate the feedback and hearing from any reader. If I had known about this about a week ago the story might be different — however the Avenger is a part of the story and there are reasons for its choice.

    I'll use a personally modified Avenger considering everything. The second seat wasn't there when I started writing the story. A Cutlass or Freelancer would not work as they are larger ships than the 315p and Gnome was concerned that the 315p or other 300 series ship would be too delicate for the passage back. It took out two carriers and he didn't know why. I figured the Avenger was one of the tougher ships next to a Hornet for its size and even then, a trainer needs to take some sorts of damage a line fighter doesn't like more heavy landings.

    I just got out of the hanger 10 minutes ago and saw my Avenger for the first time. I was quite happy even about the back seat.

    Perhaps I'll just put Karly in the back seat, but I thought having a cannibalized Aurora in the hold was an interesting twist. Alternatively, She can just stay in the hold the whole ride. It looked to me like the hoses in the hold were from Life support. I pondered if one of the ceiling grates in the hold might not be a way to get into the cockpit with a modified Avenger. Like with a seat that allowed for the back to collapse or if it pivoted.

    A "marshal" probably wouldn't want to escort a prisoner in the back seat so they'd be in the hold right? But short of having a deputy in the hold too, the prisoner would be unattended. Not a good situation even if escape in space isn't an option, an ambushing rush out when the hatch was opened could be.

    I shall puzzle it out.

    For sake of the story at this point consider it a modified Avenger... beyond the second cockpit in the hold. a passage has been created between the back seat and the cargo hold. I had planned on writing how Karly squeezed through the narrow maintenance passage between the cargo hold and the cockpit, but the size constraints of a post deterred me.

    For the final version when I gather the pieces after I finish the story... It will be an avenger but either Karly will not be able to travel to the front cockpit or it will be a modified Avenger. Remember Gnome was in Research and Development in the Navy and has resources others wouldn't, including perhaps even getting his hands on a prototype Avenger... hmmm.

    As a side note, I am glad to have the Avenger instead of getting the 315p like I planned. I was happy to see the rear seat, but sad that there was no passage between cockpit and hold. I'm not going to put together any whiny complaint/open letter/cry baby topic about it though like so man did on things like the Freelancer's window frames. I'd write a simple message. If my voice is clear and logical it will be listened to. Then they can make their decision based on that.

    There is one thing to remember about all fiction. All fiction takes place in a parallel dimension. It might be identical to the one it is depicting or may depart in many ways subtle or huge. But, it is different, no matter how close the author tries to be. When I wrote this, people didn't think the Avenger was coming out in the hanger until December at earliest. So, in the story at least this Avenger is different. I won't speak for others. :-)

    However thank you once more for the heads up! LOL now if you had some screen captures or model captures of the Avenger in flight I would just love it. I'll be working on some story art.

    Cheers!
    DWPenner

  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    @Zynk and others, should I do a rewrite of instalments 1 & 2 of "Doom of the Bok Globule"? In the end it is my decision of course and as you have read, I do have answers for how things could be as they are written — however I am a writer and I can also see story opportunities in the layout that was shown in the reveal. It would be an interesting exercise for me, though it would postpone the publishing of instalments 3 and beyond. It would not really effect the whole story much to do the rewrite.

    I am just seeking opinions... and also perhaps in a not so sneaky way feeling out if anyone cares. LOL

    TTFN

  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    Okay, looking things over a second time in a second walk-through of the Avenger and working through plot ramifications and things that opened up with changes that could be made — I realized I could make a few simple changes and so edited the first two instalments. If you re-read them you'll hardly notice them, I hope/suspect. I wonder if that was why I couldn't sleep. LOL Or is it being a serial insomniac?

    I hope you enjoy the story! :-)

  • Gnome

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    Glack! I would have posted one or even two instalments last night except instead I was fighting a virus attack on my computer. There are reasons why I can't even pretend to be a pirate.

  • Gnome

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    Okay, I just posted the two instalments I would have posted the previous two days. I hope to write more, but might not finish more to post today. I have a rather busy day doing some work for a charity and also a board meeting with the board of directors for the museum I am on the BOD of.

    So... how many people know what a Bok Globule is? Don't give it away. LOL

  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    That was installment 6 I just posted now. Perhaps it is a bit slow compared with others, but a step in travelling from hither to yon.

  • JAP

    Posts: 141

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    I wish I'd heard about this earlier! Loving your writing still, Gnome.

    Actually, I'm glad I didn't hear about this last week when I was doing my assignment...

    Solid stuff, and I like that you think through what happens in your stories well.
  • Gnome

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    Thank you for the complement. I only work at writing better today than I did yesterday. I have this series of Ghost Stories I have to revisit and rewrite. Perhaps I'll figure a way to rewrite them and at the same time do a reworking to fit here? Meaning I'd have two stories, one set in the early to mid 20th century and one in... what century is SC set in?

    I try to think things through... I'd share more, but I'd start revealing secrets and it is almost as bad as a one man magic club. LOL I wouldn't want to give anything away. I even keep secrets from myself. Who is this Gnome anyway? Who is Karly? well, I am Gnome, but Gnome is not me. :-)

  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    Actually, an eternity ago I started playing a D&D character who was a Gnome. I decided to name him Norman and in the Gnome fashion, Gnorman. So thus was born "Gnorman the Gnome". I joined the BBS community years before the public got onto the Internet as the Internet was a bit elite at the time. Those BBSs used dial up modems for connecting and there were a few boards or BBSs that networked by calling each other via phone. I needed a "handle" so I took on "Gnorman" as my BBS handle. I have used it over the years in chats and on forums and the like. So I took "Gnome" as my callsign. I added Gnorman to the name in addition to my pen name "DWPenner" just so people might make a connection. Some people do try use "Gnorman" as my callsign but if they go @ Gnorman, I don't know who would be informed. I figured if I could get the simpler "Gnome" so much the better.

    And so that was much ado about nothing. :-)

  • JAP

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    Interesting. I haven't been traipsing about the internet as much as you have, I'm sure, but I do remember the wonderful days of dialup.... I haven't had the same definite alias over the years, but the main ones I've used have been Maniac or Despereaux (like the story of the mouse). JP is just an easy one that loads of people know and amazingly enough, it was free (JAP is just what happens when I include my middle initial).

    So do I call you Gnorman? Penner? Gnome?

    On a story related note, I it looks like you flicked into 3rd person for a little while? And who's perspective are we in for the the different parts? In this latest episode, I find it difficult to tell..
  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    You can call me Gnome or Gnorman if you want. I'd say DW but people might think I was either claiming to be Dr Watson or Doctor Who. Or if you want DWP :-) I use DWPenner as the name I write under and have used DWP since I was a kid to sign my art with. Closest friends sometimes call me "gnomie" but "I am not a gnome!" Umm, ignore the picture.... er....

    Thanks for catching that little struggle to stay in first person. I am glad for the comments. I don't have anyone proof reading or editing this but me.

    I am also quite happy to hear from readers in general. :-)

    I'm trying to write the story from the first person, however with the different sections - seperated by the pseudo ellipsis " o o o " — normally done with three stars in books — to indicate a change in time, setting, or person. Within each section I try to stay consistent. I'm trying not to slip into the third person, but sometimes I feel awkward writing someone else's thoughts. The first story "Curse of Wedding Veil Nine" was basically one person with interjections by their computer... which didn't think. this one I wanted to dabble more in dialogue while using the first person. Normally I write in the third or second person. Like here, I am writing in the second person.

    I will have to proofread for slipping into the third person though unless I do a whole section in the third person. The first person is better if there is any sort of action.

    I have worked on writing a lot, but have better tools than I had the last time I tried writing anything substantial. My writing was to the point where I thought I would slip out of my comfort zone — the 3rd person dimension — and into the first.

    I'll work harder on that in coming instalments.

    DWPenner

  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    JP | JAP said:
    [hide]

    Interesting. I haven't been traipsing about the internet as much as you have, I'm sure, but I do remember the wonderful days of dialup.... I haven't had the same definite alias over the years, but the main ones I've used have been Maniac or Despereaux (like the story of the mouse). JP is just an easy one that loads of people know and amazingly enough, it was free (JAP is just what happens when I include my middle initial).

    BTW do you know of the Citadel Network? I was Gnorman and BelGnorman on there. I recall both seeing "Maniac" and "Despereaux" there.

  • Zynk

    Posts: 1095

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    Just an FYI;
    Definition of LAPIN
    1: rabbit; specifically : a castrated male rabbit
    2: rabbit fur usually sheared and dyed

    But I'm still reading :) next one ready yet?

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  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    @Zynk Thank you for noticing, except if you were to look in a French dictionary? :-) I make plenty of mistakes of course and am glad that there are people reading the story.

    As far as I recall my French, it is the word used for rabbit. I double-checked in my Le Petit Larousse (That's a French dictionary) to double-check as it has been a while, but in French lapin is still rabbit.

    French is the only language I have had any education in besides English, though je parle peu le français, très peu. I always wanted to learn some Norwegian and Low German, but French is the second language of choice here and I recall little for my 5 years.

    When I went to school there was a fellow whose last name was "Lapin" which is one reason why I recall it along with of course chat, chien, singe, canard, poisson, bibliothèque... not bibliothèque. :-)

    Thanks though! :-)

    I've already learned that 13 Jupiter Masses is the limit for the maximum size of a planet before it really becomes a Brown dwarf star. I had been recalling the mass of some of the larger Kepler Objects of Interest or KOI and the larger ones are not necessarily planets.

    There is an aspect of this story I am researching even as I am writing it, just to get it right. But I won't get into that before it's time. As a certain redhead would say, "Spoilers".

    DWPenner

  • Zynk

    Posts: 1095

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    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lapin

    P.S.
    Just keep writing I'm enjoying it. :)

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  • Aeolides

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    Coming from a person who just happened across this (and hasn't read your first story, yet!), this is a very nice piece of writing. I love it how you are giving the ships as much character as the protagonists, and including all their different traits. You're also starring the two ships I have, Avenger and 315p, so you are obviously a man of good taste!

    One bit of critique is the start of Part 10, when I think you change narrators? It took me a good couple of reads to sort out what was happening there, so you might want to try improve the flow in this section. Otherwise all good.

    Eagerly awaiting the next installment!
    arma virumque cano...
  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    Howdy @Aeolides Perhaps if I was using a more common name in the beginning of 10 than Ouroboros it might have come across more straightforward.

    I am writing the story from the first person, but the person changes from time to time based on who is best suited to the chore. That was why Karly was the person with the point of view for sections earlier.

    The conciergeAI might through people for a loop. I have been calling it "Julie" and "Jules" in Gnome's instance. I thought for Ouroboros instance I would use the more formal "Juliet". Essentially It is the ship's avatar, but more it is the pilot's concierge. The personality follows the pilot.

    If there were a point of view of the ship/avatar/conciergeAI then it would be a strange existence. It would live independently "conscious" as a fragment when isolated, but when in connection with the other parts they exchange all the experiences so they become like experienced memory. The conciergeAI still is like an overgrown search system with a personality routine added and the ability to learn the preferences of those who use it.

    I don't plan on using the ship's viewpoint however.

    Howdy @Zynk I was already aware of the dictionary references. It was only after 1905 that "lapin" came into the English language with the meanings you described. However, I wasn't using it as an obscure English word, but rather a common French word. Check up what "rabbit" translates to in French. I won't quote you a link for an English-French translation application, there are a few. An easy to access one is Google Translate. You can also do a reverse translation to check that the meaning is what you intended.

    I'll keep writing. Right now I am writing on a broken keyboard so if you see a "the" where it should be "they" you will know why. The notebook computer is still under warranty, but how long will I be without my computer if I take it into the shop for the warranty work? I know I am silly for being hesitant. But my backup drive also failed me so I can't back this machine up before taking it into the shop. :-( I could probably replace the keyboard myself. The keys are pristine under the keycaps. I think there is a flaw in the circuit board. I do have a wireless keyboard coming in the meantime and do plan on getting this machine fixed... perhaps first the backup drive.

    I am feeling quite Job-like at the moment. My wireless mouse also died tonight... I miss it.

    DWPenner

  • Zynk

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    I guess I was thinking Lepus and Lapin thru be off as being an American I speak only 1 language. ;)

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  • Gnome

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    My American side of the family spoke Norwegian and English. ;-)

    LOL I'm still working on the best ways to indicate change in point of view... right now I use the paragraph style ellipses and attempting to make it clear who is thinking/talking in the first paragraph. But... I'm not used to dealing with more than one character at a time and didn't want to go into some sort of omniscient third person narration.

    BTW nice shot of a Freelancer in your signature.

    I wish I knew more about the Starfarer for writing about the internal layout. That might be useful yet. Ah well, time for artistic license wot.

    Have to go, my dogsled is double parked outside the igloo.

  • Zynk

    Posts: 1095

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    I do have a Starfarer but no clue what it looks like inside.

    Guildie made that signature for me as I suck at it. :)

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  • Gnome

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    I'd be willing to teach anyone here locally how to do that sort of thing. Of course I use Paintshop Pro. That is between $50 and $100 (thought it does as much as I think Photo Shop does.) however GIMP will do what is needed to create that sort of signature.

    LOL that sig could be a scene out of my story.

  • Gnome

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    I still haven't been able to repair my "y" and "5/%" keys yet... but now at least I have a wireless keyboard to help. Still it doesn't fit with my writing style.

    New instalment to come soon, part 14! Just need to proof it. I need a secretary/editor to help me keep track of the players now!

  • Gnome

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    Looking forward to the 200th reader of "Doom of the Bok Globule". Six more people to read in the thread. BTW Bok Globules — like T-Tauri and Wolf-Rayet stars — are real items you will find in space. Anyone know what a "Bok Globule" is? No cheating! Put down that Wikipedia!

    TTFN

  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    BTW Doom of the Bok Globule can be found here:

    Doom of the Bok Globule

  • rotaryspeed

    Posts: 114

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    Awesome ! I want the next episode :D
    Dont send me request to join your guild, they will be deleted unread.
  • Gnome

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    Thanks, I have had a few busy days, but now I think I can make time to do a decent job of the coming instalments.

  • rotaryspeed

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    [hide]

    Thanks, I have had a few busy days, but now I think I can make time to do a decent job of the coming instalments.

    Looking forward to read your work !



    Dont send me request to join your guild, they will be deleted unread.
  • Gnome

    Posts: 519

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    I hope to post something in the meantime, but having a busted keyboard on my notebook is making it difficult. I have a few keys that I need to use a virtual keyboard to press. That is hampering my creative process... but I expect a replacement in the next week or so. I still hope to post something... -sigh-

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